The Hidden Excerpts
by MaryJanice Davidson
From UNDEAD AND UNEASY, Book 6
(in which Betsy is planning her wedding, and sampling wedding cake flavors with Marc)
“The search is over.” Marc sprayed me lightly with crumbs as he made his announcement in the middle of the Pat-A-Cake bakery on Lake Street. “This is the cake of cakes. The dream cake. The only cake. We’re done now.”
“And when are you two getting married?” the baker, a lovely woman who did not look like she was surrounded by pastry all day, asked brightly.
“After the world blows up,” I replied before Marc could zing me. “And maybe not even then. This is my maid of honor, kinda. He’s not the groom.”
“She won’t put Fag of Honor on the invites,” he complained to the pastry chef, who had managed to hang onto her smile. “And her best friend keeps threatening not to show. But we’ll fix that when the time comes.”
“Damn right. Here, try this one.” When he opened his mouth to protest, I jammed the pastry past his teeth. “The one you think is the cake of cakes isn’t chocolate enough.”
“Mmitts nite noklitt!”
“White chocolate isn’t chocolate,” I said before Pretty Pastry Chef could back him up. She was incongruously dressed in a deep red sheath which started at her neck and dropped to just past her knees. The color did wonderful things for her tanned complexion and light brown eyes, while hiding the fact that she had virtually no figure. She was like a coat rack in red. A pretty coat rack who obviously never, ever sampled the merchandise. Could I even trust a scrawny baker?
“Technically, the bride is correct,” Pretty Pastry Chef allowed. “Which chocolate has no cocoa solids. But perhaps you’d like to sample—“
“Do you have a blender?”
“Food processor? It’s a bakery; you must have one of those.”
“Could you get it, please?”
Mystified, the PPC left. Good; I didn’t want to have to put the vampire whammy on her. Marc kept chewing, then finally gulped down the cake. “Too chocolatey,” he gasped, then drained his water glass. “Gah! I can still feel it clogging my arteries. I can hear them hardening!”
“You can not. And there’s no such thing as too chocolatey, what’s the matter with you? I can’t believe I let you come along.”
“You made me come,” he retorted. He drained my water, too. “You think I don’t have a life of my own?”
“Okay, well, that’s maybe true, but I didn’t want to spend my evening sucking cake.”
“Shut up and have another piece, Cake Boy.”
“You’re so cruel to the ones you love,” he said, then tackled milk chocolate with strawberry butter cream with a sigh.
PPC returned carrying a small food processor, which she plugged in at my request. I bent to my bag and removed a couple of half pints of milk, dumped one into the food processor along with a slice of the chocolate cake with chocolate butter cream filling, and pressed Disintegrate. Or whatever the highest processor speed was.
After a few seconds, I shut it off, popped the lid, then carefully poured the cake smoothie into my now-empty water glass. I tried a sip as the PPC looked on with eyes so wide I could see the whites all around.
“Ummmm…” I smacked my lips. “Delicious! Um, maybe something in a mocha frosting?”
“I—what? All right. Why are you…?”
“My elderly…uh…friend. Neighbor! My elderly neighbor who’s…dating my grandpa. Has no teeth. Neither of them have teeth. So she—they–have to blend everything with milk. Because she also has that thing…Marc, what’s that disease where you don’t drink enough milk and your bones turn into Swiss cheese?”
“Osteoporosis,” he replied with his hand over his eyes. “But that’s not—“
“Right! Anyway, it’s incredibly important to me that she—they—be able to enjoy my wedding cake, so I have to test how they taste when turned into cake shakes. So hop into the back and let’s try mocha next. No white chocolate!” I hollered after her. Then, to Marc: “I’m a genius.”
“That’s not the word leaping to my mind,” my bitchy pal snapped back. “I’ll go wait in the car.”
“Fine,” I said to his back. “More cake shakes for me!”
It was true, but without Marc’s good-natured whining, a hollow victory. On the other hand, I should definitely remember to invite my horrible grandfather to the wedding…
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MaryJanice Davidson is the bestselling author of several books, most recently Undead and Unsure (out August 6th, 2013), Undead and Unstable, Undead and Undermined, Undead and Unfinished, Undead and Unwelcome, and Dead Over Heels. With her husband, Anthony Alongi, she also writes a series featuring a teen weredragon named Jennifer Scales. MaryJanice lives in Minneapolis with her husband and two children. Visit her online at http://www.maryjanicedavidson.net, or follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
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Catching up on your Betsy-lore? Be sure to check out more exclusive excerpts from the series throughout The 12 Days of Betsy!
July 22, Day 1: Parajunkee
July 23, Day 2: The Book Cellar
July 24, Day 3: The Book Nympho
July 25, Day 4: Vampire Book Club
July 26, Day 5: Paranormal and Urban Fantasy Reviews
July 29, Day 6: SciFiChick.com
July 30, Day 7: My Bookish Ways
July 31, Day 8: Bitten By Books
August 1, Day 9: Fiction Vixen
August 2, Day 10: Heroes and Heartbreakers
August 5, Day 11: All Things Urban Fantasy
August 6, Day 12: Tor.com (Giveaway: UNDEAD AND UNSURE, released August 6th!)