13 Great Quotes from the wittiest Trek movie, Star Trek IV – The Voyage Home:
1. [after landing and cloaking a Klingon spaceship in Golden Gate Park]
Kirk: Everybody remember where we parked.
2. [Explaining Spock’s odd behavior]
Kirk: Oh, him? He’s harmless. Part of the free speech movement at Berkeley in the sixties. I think he did a little too much LDS.
3. Disgruntled guy in car: Watch where you’re going, ya dumb ass.
Kirk: Well, a double dumb ass on you!
Spock: Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall we say, more colorful metaphors, “double dumb-ass on you” and so forth.
Kirk: Oh, you mean the profanity?
Kirk: Well that’s simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.
4. [Spock is still learning how to use profanity correctly]
Spock: They like you very much, but they are not the hell “your” whales.
Dr. Gillian Taylor: I suppose they told you that.
Spock: The hell they did.
5. Kirk: Spock, where the hell’s the power you promised?
Spock: One damn minute, Admiral.
6. McCoy: I don’t know if you’ve got the whole picture, but he’s not exactly working on all thrusters.
7. [faced with a 20th century computer]
Scotty: Computer. Computer?
[Bones hands him a mouse and he speaks into it]
Scotty: Hello, computer.
Dr. Nichols: Just use the keyboard.
Scotty: Keyboard. How quaint.
8. Dr. Gillian Taylor: Do you guys like Italian?
Kirk: I love Italian,
[looks at Spock]
Kirk: And so do you.
9. Dr. Gillian Taylor: Don’t tell me, you’re from outer space.
Kirk: No, I’m from Iowa. I only work in outer space.
10. [Uhura and Chekov are lost and looking to find an aircraft carrier]
Chekov: Excuse me I’m looking for the nuclear wessels.
[a cop just looks at him]
Chekov: Nuclear wessels?
11. Dr. Gillian Taylor: Are you sure you won’t change your mind?
Spock: Is there something wrong with the one I have?
12. [Chekov is being interrogated]
FBI agent: Name.
Chekov: My name?
FBI agent: [sarcastically] No, my name.
Chekov: I do not know your name.
FBI agent: You play games with me mister, and you’re through.
Chekov: I am? May I go now?
13. [interrogating Chekov]
FBI agent 1: [to colleague] What do you think?
FBI Agent 2: He’s a Russki.
FBI agent 1: That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. Of course, he’s a Russki, but is he a retard or somethin?…
[Chekov picks up his phaser, stands up and aims it towards the FBI Agents]
Chekov: Don’t Move.
FBI agent 1: Okaay, make nice, give is the ray gun…
Chekov: I warn you, if you don’t lie on the floor I will have to stun you.
FBI agent 1: Go ahead. ‘Stun’ me…
Chekov: I’m very sorry but…
[Attempts to fire phaser but nothing happens]
Chekov: …Heh… It must be the radiation…
[Tosses phaser to agent & starts running]