13 Lame Superpowerson October 25, 2007 at 12:14 am
I didn’t make any of these up. Each of these powers came from actual heroes or villains from comic books and/or cartoons.
I give you 13 of the lamest superpowers ever:
1. Stretching – And the strangest thing about this one? Quite a few superheroes from comics have this ability: Mr. Fantastic, Elongated Man, Plastic Man, Skin, etc.
2. Ability to transform into any form of water – Zan is definitely the lesser of the two Wonder Twins. His sister can become any animal. Zan? He can become water, ice, or steam. Yipee.
3. Ability to control plants and accelerate their growth – A few superheroes/villains have this one. If you’re a vegetarian, this might be useful, having an unlimited supply of food. Otherwise? Pretty useless in any urban area.
4. Shrinking – Quite a few superheroes have this ability too. And I think it’s pretty useless, no matter how creative the comic book writers are.
5. A repulsor energy that acts as a solid force field or repels all forms of matter and energy from one’s body – Unus The Untouchable died when his force field overwhelmed and asphyxiated him. Sometimes being a mutant isn’t so great.
6. Good morals and harmonic “niceness vibes” – Created to be the antithesis of the villain Lobo, Goldstar has the powers of… a boyscout.
7. Neutralizing other people’s powers – Leech and Elmo pretty much just suck away other mutants’ powers. I think I’d rather have no power at all, than have the other mutants hate me.
8. Able to reduce oneself to a two-dimensional state where one’s body is as flat as paper – That’s right. Tommy can turn herself into… paper. Watch out for her nasty paper cut.
9. Able to release a powerful adhesive that causes anything to permanently stick to it on contact, the adhesive eventually dissipates, allowing the glued objects to be removed from his person – Tar Baby can glue things. Way to go.
10. A pariah effect that enables one to overwhelmingly compel people to run towards or away from specific target that is focused on – Tag gets the award for most randomly useless power.
11. Extend razor sharp spikes of bone through one’s skin – Absalom and Marrow are not only freakishly ugly from having bones poke through their skin, and all they can really do with it is break off their protruding bone and hit people with it.
12. Able to generate pyrotechnic flares to create brilliant light and explosive force - Jubilee and Dazzler can make fireworks. Stay back 10 feet, and you’ll be fine.
13. Exist in a gaseous state - Containing himself in a specially-designed suit, poor Dummy disappeared from the New X-Men when his suit was ripped open and his form dispersed into the air.