13 Lame Superpowers

I didn’t make any of these up. Each of these powers came from actual heroes or villains from comic books and/or cartoons.
I give you 13 of the lamest superpowers ever:

1. Stretching – And the strangest thing about this one? Quite a few superheroes from comics have this ability: Mr. Fantastic, Elongated Man, Plastic Man, Skin, etc.
Elongated Man

2. Ability to transform into any form of water – Zan is definitely the lesser of the two Wonder Twins. His sister can become any animal. Zan? He can become water, ice, or steam. Yipee.
Wonder Twins

3. Ability to control plants and accelerate their growth – A few superheroes/villains have this one. If you’re a vegetarian, this might be useful, having an unlimited supply of food. Otherwise? Pretty useless in any urban area.
Poison Ivy

4. Shrinking – Quite a few superheroes have this ability too. And I think it’s pretty useless, no matter how creative the comic book writers are.

5. A repulsor energy that acts as a solid force field or repels all forms of matter and energy from one’s body – Unus The Untouchable died when his force field overwhelmed and asphyxiated him. Sometimes being a mutant isn’t so great.
Unus the Untouchable

6. Good morals and harmonic “niceness vibes” – Created to be the antithesis of the villain Lobo, Goldstar has the powers of… a boyscout.

7. Neutralizing other people’s powers – Leech and Elmo pretty much just suck away other mutants’ powers. I think I’d rather have no power at all, than have the other mutants hate me.

8. Able to reduce oneself to a two-dimensional state where one’s body is as flat as paper – That’s right. Tommy can turn herself into… paper. Watch out for her nasty paper cut.

9. Able to release a powerful adhesive that causes anything to permanently stick to it on contact, the adhesive eventually dissipates, allowing the glued objects to be removed from his person – Tar Baby can glue things. Way to go.
Tar Baby

10. A pariah effect that enables one to overwhelmingly compel people to run towards or away from specific target that is focused on – Tag gets the award for most randomly useless power.

11. Extend razor sharp spikes of bone through one’s skin – Absalom and Marrow are not only freakishly ugly from having bones poke through their skin, and all they can really do with it is break off their protruding bone and hit people with it.

12. Able to generate pyrotechnic flares to create brilliant light and explosive force – Jubilee and Dazzler can make fireworks. Stay back 10 feet, and you’ll be fine.

13. Exist in a gaseous state – Containing himself in a specially-designed suit, poor Dummy disappeared from the New X-Men when his suit was ripped open and his form dispersed into the air.

65 thoughts on “13 Lame Superpowers”

  1. Marrow at least had the ability to stab someone with the razor sharp bones; she never really hit anyone with them. I know it doesn’t make her a powerhouse but she was pretty vicious anyway. Look at it this way: she always had a weapon handy no matter what.

    Mr. Fantastic’s true superhuman power should be his supergenius intellect. His stretching powers were good for utilitarian purposes though. They weren’t devastating in of themselves in battle, but they could be used to help set-up or trap an opponent for the rest of the team.

    I always thought Dazzler had more potential than they ever let her develop, sort of like Ice Man.

  2. speaking of lame powers, sorry Kelly- ummm Aquaman… now there’s a lame power… “you guys fight the bad guys I’m going to swim with the fish!”

    here’s another my friends and I thought was lame- Doctor Strange, etc. now he did have kewl powers, but “You guys destroy the real villiams I’m going to handle the extradimensal vortex matrix of spiritual eminations” We always hated all the magician’s off handed “you wouldn’t understand the complex world of magic and spirits” comments… yeah yeah dude um like I know that an a rip in the time/ space continuum is going to destroy the planet and we can’t help you with it… You do your hocus pocus and we’ll just kick some serious ass like heroes are supposed to do… 🙂


  3. C’mon, forcefields are pretty useful. So one guy asphixiated himself, that’s his fault for being a loser no one wanted to keep around.

    And how did Speedball not make this list. I have the power to …. make bouncy balls. Really, you’d be better off with Macaulay Culkin.

  4. i can understan how the first power you mentiond might seem lame but im sure any man would go to great lengths to be able to streach any part of their bodys, and im shure their girlfreinds or significant others would’nt mind

  5. I must say, this gave me a laugh but I do, like many others, have to come to the defense of Dazzler. I play her in RP and thus know a lot about her. She can make more than just sparkles and lights. She can blind people, make full body and environmental holograms, full body lazers, shields, and so much more. She was even voted as one of Marvel’s top ten super women!

    She’s a really cool woman. I just don’t think she should be grouped in with Jubes. Alison’s power had to deal with light molecules and not pyrotechnics.

  6. Now if only they made a Superhero, that has the amazing ability to guess the weight of someone down to the microgram…..sounds like good TV…i’d watch it (but only if it was a choice between that or Wicker Man (the newone.))

  7. I don’t know, I think that pariah effect that enables one to overwhelmingly compel people to run towards or away from specific target that is focused on would be an awesome power. You could compel people to come to you or go away, which would be bad ass to use at Disney.

  8. some of those just don’t belong there, stretching, plant control, shrinking, i would not mind having those… but, all the others pretty much suck XD

  9. Hi
    I gotta disagree w/ Zan’s powers being lame: actualy I think it;s way more usefull than the rest mentioned here is, and dangerous too. Imagine him getting wherever he wants in steam form, exploding most solid materials by changing from water to ice rapidly, passing through stone walls being water, flying w/ use of wind then falling on an enemy as ice bolts. I can see in a picture above that he does look lame, but his powers surely are not.

  10. lol : I’ve just found that out: “For their powers to activate they have to touch knuckles and they have to say “Wonder Twin Powers Activate”.” (ComicVine.com) now that’s useless.

  11. I agree with most of these, but, Jubilee’s powers were far from useless. She just never used them in ways that would make them more effective. for instance, she could explode fireworks inside of someone’s head, killing them instantly. She also destroyed a mansion.
    She had ludicrous amounts of potential, the writers just never wrote her correctly.

  12. this ain’t the best of lists.
    Stretching is actually a pretty amazing superpower (just look at luffy from One Piece, he owns)

    I like jubes

    turning into gas could be pretty darn useful

    I don’t know about you, but being able to grow bones has about a million applications

    Leeching may not be the greatest power when you’re alone, but it works great when on a team, plus one on one it can even the odds to a regular fist fight.

    Controlling vegetation would be a spectacular power, you could command any number of poisonous plants, as well as create massive vines as strong as boulders to do your bidding

    You’re right about the rest of the list though, those all suck.

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